Earlier today in a harrowing statement from London Mayor, Sadiq Khan, the plan to redevelop historic monument Barking Abbey has been confirmed. The plan to reinvent the ruins has been proposed to start at the beginning of the next fiscal year. According to costing from the latest labour manifesto, the project to wipe the 1400 year old ruins is estimated to cost £50 million and should take 3/4 years. The mayor has confirmed that a innovative, 8 floor mosque will replace the once English stronghold.
The abbey existed for almost 900 years, until its closure in 1539, as part of King Henry VIII's Dissolution of the Monasteries. It had many notable abbesses including several saints, former queensland the daughters of kings. The abbess of Barking held precedence over all other abbesses in England.
Mr Khan proudly stated today “This marks the end of the monarchy and the promotion of England’s religious values. We, in London, are proud to embrace the great English values in religious values especially towards Islam. We, in 2019, can be who we want and practise our faith when we want.”
We spoke to proud Local Barking & Dagenham resident Gregg, who had this to say. “I’ve lived here in Barking for 38 years and I’m disgusted that these people want to replace our queens 340th property with a mosque. We ain’t even allowed a bacon butty on the bench anymore. The worlds gone mad, PC at its finest...” unfortunately, we are unable to confirm what else Gregg said. Gregg passionately shouted in a language which was no longer audible but a few words words were understandable, we believe we heard him say “Brexit” and “Jezza commie” however we can not confirm.
We will continue to update this article as we learn more.
(for legal reasons, this article is a joke)
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